Day 14- Community
It's the club no one wants to join, but it's full of some the strongest, most loving women I know. I went to my first baby loss support group, Remembering through Sharing, just a couple of weeks after we lost Joshua. I was so hesitant to go. I knew I'd cry the whole time, but when I got back into the car after that meeting, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Grief, particularly the kind that accompanies the loss of an infant, is so isolating. It was such a huge relief to be in a room full of women who I could talk to about the realities of my "new normal."
Day 18 - Family Portrait
This was taken just a few hours after Joshua was born. Our first photo as a family of 7. Our second and last photo was taken the next day after he died. It's beautiful too, but in a gut-wrenching way. I rarely look at that one, and we've never shared it.
I love the thumbs up! I'm profoundly grateful that we had a spunky 6 year old around for this experience. Charlotte really embraced the pregnancy and her new baby brother in a way I wished I'd been able to manage more frequently, able to just be in the moment and enjoy it to it's fullest. The kids knew how sick Joshua was. We chose to be completely honest with them and had even discussed the possibility of him being stillborn. She came up to me one afternoon and rubbed my belly. Looking at it, she cheerfully asked her baby brother, "Are you hanging in there, OK?" It made me chuckle. It made me cry. It made me want to give her a big squeeze.
Day 19- Project
Crochet is my therapy. I made hats for Joshua and for my friend Devany's baby, Violet and sometime in early 2012 I started making items for our local hospital. I honestly don't remember how I ended up making them, but seized upon it as a way to help other mommies and babies. I certainly wasn't at a place where I could handle much more than that, so I curled up on the couch at night and got creative making cute baby things. These little hats and pouches are for the babies who won't ever be going home with their families. Some of them are so tiny that I find a little lump forming in my throat while I'm stitching. I hope they minister to moms and dads who's hearts are broken and honor the lives of these little ones with the softest, cutest little items I can muster.
Day 20- Charity/ Organization
The organization closest to my heart is Cherishing the Journey. This group was forming around the time Joshua was born and held their first event in October of 2011. Under Jennifer Harden's leadership and with the help of some very dedicated BLM's, it has had a significant impact in this county. This organization has provided memory boxes to local hospitals, matched up mommies with similar experiences for the purpose of supporting one another, and referred for free 3D ultrasounds provided by Images of Life for mom's with a poor diagnosis. I know because I've heard it from their own lips, that the moms who received these services are profoundly grateful for them. It's also creating a meaningful dialogue between the baby loss community, hospitals and doctors in the area on how parent's faced with a poor diagnosis and/or the loss of an infant can be better be served. Well done, CTJ!
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